Towards Parmatma: the hunt for your calling

Last night...I came across a tumult of thoughts. Thoughts that were stretching my mind, as in the ethereal part of it, pulling it apart trying to reveal some absolutes of it. This pull, or I should name, this pressure on the ethereal part of mind has always stayed with me and I believe with most of the people that I know of. Actually I was treading through a rich eclectic collection of works of varied genres, in the youtube, comprising of music, drama, technology and philosophy. Each one of them a true piece of beauty, titillating my mind in ways of their own, instigating in me the similar emotions/ hormones that I should comfortably claim as bliss/ dopamine. But as I finished off savoring each of those subjects, I found myself (the ethereal part of my mind) in a wide abyss with shiny shards of each genre floating around, each one of them pulling me towards it. Each of them luring me to be pursued  to their full. And this is not a momentary scenario that I underwent, it’s a cyclic feeling that dawns over me time and again. The mysterious caskets of such varied experiences always pull my mind to indulge into them. But its not where the struggle lies, the struggle emanates from the point where I have to decide between which casket to open and which not or for that matter why not to open all of them. This is the pull that I referred in the early lines. Why have we come here? To experience everything? To unravel every mystery? To restrict a few? Does each mystery have an associated seeker to it or are we free to unravel all? These questions, they might seem a bit surreal, but these are the absolutes of our mind. They exist when nothing does. They also exist when everything does. For example, why should a genius like lets say, Sundar Pichai, embrace computers for his whole humongous life and not be Jimi Hendrix in the latter half of it. Now some may say that music was not the calling for him but I would rather ask that what if he pursued it (By the way I don’t think people have innate talent for things, people come across a series of opportunities that shapes them into the way they are). So you see, this “what if” is what occasionally clutters most of my mind.

Rubbing off the slate clean, lets analyse it systematically now. Actually this affinity towards mystery is not a millennial fad. If we look closely into our evolution patterns, one of the reasons for the four legged primates to switch to two legs was to be able to explore farther (be it for hunt/ refuge), you know to clear the 'mystery' of the landscape further. It was this innate nature of the primate apes, of scouring further into the ambience, be it in the physical or the metaphysical world, that led to the evolution of them into the current beings, us. I feel it is that instinct of being less perceptive to the present and weaving into the future or the mystery, that forced us to evolve from apes to the humans and that is still intact within us that makes us wander further (both physically and metaphysically). So are we hard wired to wander? Is our thirst actually the fuel that runs us? Will or rather “should” it ever quench? On more common terms, Will I ever find the one? Will I ever find a profession that provides true job satisfaction? Will I ever be able to figure out my calling? Will I ever find the meaning? Will I reach Nirvana?... Our instinct does not allow that I guess.

Time and again I have realised that the beauty of an untouched/mysterious object lies in the element of mystery and not the object itself. As the mystery is unravelled, the beauty begins to fade away. The 'object' here might be anything ranging from passion, profession, possession or a love interest. Besides, this tendency is more tangible in males as compared to females. Males tend to be more driven to the 'caskets'. Probably because males have a higher amount of the primitive instincts extant in them. Maybe that is why females are considered more mature, due to this further refinement in the evolutionary pattern. So  is there an end to this hunt? Hmmm... Not actually, but there is a mechanism...

Let us try to understand it on a spiritual level. In this realm of mysteries or the 'shrishti', we are the creations or the 'atma' created by the supreme creation or the creator or the 'param-atma' or the 'parmatma'. The atma is free to do anything as it has been granted the gift of choice. Now, what most of us do is just unravel/ experience the mysteries or put in other ways, the atma experiences shrishti and later merges into shrishti itself (into ashes).But, in order to experience the true satisfaction, or the 'nirvana', the atma has to merge into the parmatma. For that atma has to experience the parmatma till it merges into one. The experience can be done by doing what the parmatma does, CREATION. So, the crux of it, to realise true satisfaction, we have to practice creation. The apes had to stop the nomadic ventures and 'create' a civilization to evolve into humans, the seeker of eternal beauty will have to stop and create it to experience it. This is how one can get closer to the true satisfaction (parmatma) and have actually got. People who have been creators, have absorbed the charectirstics of parmatma by becoming immortal (in the metaphysical world atleast). Who knows, maybe such strong the efforts of creation of a person would be that he will be immortal in the physical world too. This is why, the act of bearing and possessing a child is so satisfying to a mother that no other mystery/ srishti lures her. It's because its her true act of creation and thus her true realisation of parmatma. This is what brings satisfaction to a startup owner, to a scientist, to a discover, to a musician; all of whom do not look anywhere else for the satisfaction as they have practiced creation. Thusly, coming back to where we began, the pull to the mysteries would never end, as the shrishti is a realm of indefinite mysteries, but, the pull can be balanced by the act of creation. One has to hault at a point and give away the practice of experience by embracing the practice of creation, to realise the true satisfaction. Pondering back to our afore mentioned questions :

Will I ever find the one?
No, but you will nurture and create who is yours into the one

Will I ever find a profession that provides true job satisfaction?
No, but you will do what satisfies you and make it your profession

Will I ever be able to figure out my calling?
No, but you will stop waiting for the call and begin

Will I ever find the meaning?
No, as there is none, and you will create meaning

Will I reach Nirvana?
Yes you can, by creating it

But of course, lastly,

some may like to vanish in the Parmatma and some into the Srishti. The choice has been gifted...